Dilbert's words of wisdom

I have compiled this funny words of wisdom from different sources. Please enjoy!

1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he is not there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
7. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
8. I do not suffer from stress - I am the carrier.
9. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
10. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.